Head+Heart= Back on Track

After a heart and head debate on my potential return to Nicaragua this August, I am excited and relieved to have a peace about my upcoming trip. Although finances are slow right now, they have begun to pop up in the exact moments when again, my head starts to doubt the trip. Is it spiritual warfare, I don’t know? Is it just plain fear, quite possibly?

I’m not afraid of any risks, or inadequacies like I was last year, but I think I’ve just felt like something was off because it was. Last year was my first trip. I don’t know if you can ever expect another trip to hold the same feelings of wonder, worry, and the sheer excitement of not knowing what in the world to expect. I went to Nicaragua with strangers and came back with precious bonds that I’ll never forget. I don’t have to see or even speak to my last year’s teammates very often but when I think of them, something happens in my heart. I know that they are the only 17 people who can understand what I felt on that trip and that makes me tied to them in amazing way.

I cannot expect my 2nd trip and any other trip after that, to feel the exact same way. That’s entirely too much pressure. I now realize that my fear was that this trip won’t live up to the last experience, but I also understand that it doesn’t have too. This is not the same trip. The new teammates were chosen for this year’s purpose and I am excited to grow with them and learn along side of 17 more people. This year’s location will be chosen for a reason and that too does not have to be the same for amazing things to ensue. This trip isn’t about me and shouldn’t be, but sadly I think that it was in my head, whether I was aware of it or not.

God has a plan. He never did not have a plan for this trip. I was just not giving myself readily over to that plan, but am relieved to be back on track. Nicaragua, here I come!

Heaven on a Stick

After brainstorming ideas for something new, something with flare, to bring on my “breakfast day” at the office, I recently discovered a new breakfast treat. Surely there was something other than bagels, donuts, and cereal one can chose from to treat her co-workers to breakfast. Other co-workers had gone for yogurt parfait stations, gourmet muffins the size of my head, homemade goodies, etc… How does one top such meals, especially on a budget?!

Can’t beat ‘em? Can’t join ‘em? What’s left but to do a complete 180! (Insert the frozen food isle) That is where I stumbled across a little slice of heaven on a stick. Piggies ‘n Pancakes...What?! A sausage link, wrapped in a pancake, the hint of syrup, all atop a wooden stick. Who knew such a thing existed? Suddenly the fair meets breakfast. It’s brilliant really!

Friday and again this morning I gave in to my urge for a Piggie ‘n Pancake. I sat in my cubicle and allowed two worlds collide…the fair meets my office. Never before have I been more content under the florescent lighting, amongst the piles of paper and low hum of the copy machines.

Now if only I can figure out how to turn my desk into a ski ball machine…

Some Do, Some Don't, You Did.

This weekend at a silent auction that I held for my cadet employees, one of my callers came up to me and unexpectedly handed me a card with my name on the front. I didn't think anything more than "aww, that's sweet" at the time. After about an hour of playing the role of "host", I snuck back to a quiet area to read the card. The front simply said "Some Do, Some Don't, You Did". Inside of the card were some of the most precious words I've ever read (plus a movie gift card as well).

As I sat there with tears in my eyes, and pride in my heart for this amazing young person, I relished in the moment he created for me. Apparently I have made a difference in his life, and whether or not it was intentional at all times, it happened.

This May I am graduating 7 seniors, 4 of which are my Supervisors who have been with me since their sophomore year. I love working in higher education, but I hate this part. I hate spending day in and day out with people, growing with them and sharing with them my passion for The Citadel and for fundraising for their alma mater, only to have them graduate and move on. I guess I actually don't hate it as much as I just miss them when they leave. I miss their faces and their personalities that make the call center a fun place to be. I miss their ability to constantly ask me questions when I'm trying to get something else done. I miss their teasing. I miss their low chatter at night, and the fact that they are always hungry, and that no matter how many times I adjust it, there is not a temperature on our office thermostat is pleasing to everyone.

Thank you, Austin, for making my day with your card. Thank you for saying "thank you for everything". Thank you for standing by a brand new Boss three years ago and for growing alongside of me when a lot of my methods were a result of trial and error. And last but not least, thank you for growing into one of the best alumnus that I've had the pleasure to work with at The Citadel. I'm proud of you, as I know you have a very bright future ahead of you!

Congrats to all my seniors! TCF won't be the same without you!

Being a Home Owner Means...

...Fixing things when they break, or in my case, calling the people who can fix the things when they break. Worrying about hurricanes and wildfires versus praying that they'd come close enough to me to get a day off of work/school. Caring when some people wear shoes on my new carpet (yikes, I'm becoming my mother;). Putting every spare cent you have into maintaining your first place solo. Ensuring a safe and happy place for roommates to live. Changing air filters, water filters, and light bulbs (you mean they don't actually change themselves?!). Being poor regardless of how many hours you work.

However, it also means driving to your own little slice of "heaven" after a long day of work. Having a place you miss when you stay in a hotel. Being able to invite friends over for meals, TV premiers, and game nights. Having a place that family from Illinois wants to and enjoys visiting. Offering a safe place for a friend to stay when her own living situation turns south. Seeing something you waited for patiently, worked hard for, and prayed about come together piece by piece right before your very eyes. And last but not least, after all these years, having a place to call home aside from your parent's house.

Blog Worthy

Beach season is literally 2 weeks away in Charleston and I am no where near beach ready!

This morning I grabbed a donut. I held the donut and it looked like a beacon of light in my still dark morning. Without even thinking, I looked at the fat gram count on the donut box.

20 grams of fat. In 1 donut.

Donut went back in the box, the box went back on the counter, and I walked away.

For anyone who knows how much I love donuts, cakes, cookies, etc...you'll know this act was nothing short of a will-power miracle for me. Blog worthy, totally. Alert the media worthy, quite possibly!

10 Things I Hope Are In Heaven Someday

10. Vanilla Coke. I'd prefer it fountain style with crushed ice, but I trust that the Lord knows which way is the very best to serve it!
9. Chili's chips and salsa.
8. Dogs. I'm not sure I'd want to go anywhere that Wrigley cannot. I know that animals aren't supposed to have souls, but I'm still holding out.
7. My family and friends. All of them.
6. Westin's Heavenly Beds. They've been named that for a reason.
5. An ocean breeze.
4. McGriddles. Enough said.
3. The lack of tears and stress.
2. Friendly and familiar faces to welcome us as we enter.
1. ME.

Led or Forced?

It's official, I've signed up for another mission trip to Nicaragua this August. I'm really excited to go back and serve, see old friends and make new ones, and be stretched in a way that only a mission trip can stretch you.

The problem is that for some reason something feels off this time. For whatever reason, whether I was out of the country, sick, etc...I've had to miss 3 out of our 4 meetings already and I feel distant from the trip right now. I know I want to be utilized. I know I miss Nicaragua like crazy. I know the Lord has laid medical missions on my heart. Still I seem uneasy and unsure. Finances are not lining up either which makes me wonder if this trip is really of God or of Brittany this time around.

I know that if I go, He'll use me, but I also want to go because that is His plan not mine. I'm praying daily for direction and leadings. Please lead me Lord.

Top O' the Morning Cont.

Just to top off my fabulous day, I got to go home and pick up 4 piles of dog poo after work last night. Just thought I'd share.

Thank you

Top O' the Morning to Me!

I should've known that today was going to be "one of those days" when I slammed my head into the closet door while trying to get dressed for work. Although the closet has been in the same location for a year and 2 months, it still managed to jump out and smack me "good morning" on this loevly St. Patty's Day.

The rest of my day, although not as painful, has been about the same. And I thought wearing my green sweater on this holiday was supposed to bring me luck:(

Faith, lived out

Yesterday I was privileged enough to get a glimpse first hand of what faith can truly look like embraced whole heartedly. One of my best friends, and one of the best people I know, was hit by some unexpected challenges in her life over the last month or so. After rejoicing with friends and family about their soon to be newest family member, the same couple was given news that their “first” had unexpectedly stopped growing and that a heartbeat was no longer present. How any mother and father can handle such news I’ll never know, but sadly it was their news to handle somehow.

Being hundreds of miles away from any close friends and all family members, we have all sat back and watched our beautiful friend struggle without knowing the right words to say and without being able to just sit with her while she grieved. I know none of the trials they faced were easy, but as I sat with her for a bit yesterday, I was in awe of how amazing her attitude, outlook, and faith truly is. I’ve seen this friend through the lose of someone close to her, through the heartbreak of boys, and now through the heartache of losing a child, and never have I seen her take her eyes off of the Lord, but instead watched her lean solely on her faith, and not on understanding as I am sure there is none in times like that.

Although I didn’t have the strength to say it to her yesterday, I am so proud, so thankful and so blessed to be her friend. She is beautiful inside and out, day in and day out. Her heart is golden and her faith is immeasurable. She will make an incredible mother some day and until that day comes, God-willing, I promise to pray. I promise to pray for the continuing healing of your body, heart, and mind, and I will continue to thank the Lord for blessing us all with your presence. Some tiny baby is going to be very lucky one day!