Stuck

I've debated whether or not to write today for fear that it'd be ugly. Like "girl, your ugly is showing! You might want to tuck that back in before anyone notices" kind of ugly. I'm going to risk it though. This site is transparent if nothing else, right?

I'm stuck, y'all. I'm anxious and I feel trapped. I need to get out of here for a little while. I've joked about this winter and the awful weather over the last few months, but all joking aside, it's taking a toll on my head and my heart. I'm succumbing to the gloom and the frigid and the "I just want to stay inside and nap forever" thoughts. 

I've always struggled with anxiety and most likely will for the days to come. And I'm okay with it. I have ways to cope and I have prayer and a God who is the ultimate Xanax. But sometimes it just envelopes me. Ever been there? Ever felt trapped? It's not a fun feeling.

I need a break. I need a vacation where the only item on the agenda is to be still, feel the sun on my face, see the sights whatever they may be. Take a nap with the windows open. Lower my heart rate. Be me and carefree before I become "mom". Sleep in, stay up late, eat way too much because I'm on "vacation". Read a book and not talk for awhile. Explore. Do whatever my heart desires. Remember what it feels like to drive with the windows down. Crank the radio up. Smell the salt water. Plan fun things to see and do, and then find cooler things along the way and take a detour. Be me in my simplest, most relaxed form.

And, that, is what I envision it to feel like to be un-stuck.