Saltwater and Snow Storms: My New Clothing Line

After my first 72 hours as a shop owner, I've deemed myself a retail expert, folks. True story.

And if you believe that last statement, I have a nice little, sunny, 85 degree private island in Rockford, IL I'd like to sell you for $1 million dollars.

In all seriousness, I'm starting to think maybe I should've opened a boutique instead and launched a new line of clothing that I like to call "frostbite chic" or FBC as I call it in the biz. The theme of my runway show would simply be "don't try to die outside today." When it's -2 degrees, as it was here last night, the last thing that crosses my mind is looking fashionable. I'm just trying to stay alive, people. And I'm not kidding. All those women who get to wear their cute little booties that pretty much only cover your foot and half of your ankle, yeah, you try clearing snow banks and/or icy driveways in those pretties. Not cool.

When I realized last night that my new favorite accessory was my "cousin Eddie" hat (you know, the ones with the straps and ear flaps), I knew had crossed over into the land of frostbite chic. It ain't pretty, but neither is your ear or finger falling off.

So with that being said, I decided to let you all have a little sneak peek of my 2014 FBC runway line-up. Charleston friends, eat your toasty, sandy heart outs;)

This pooch knows that Cousin Eddie hats are where it's at.
Go ahead, tell this pup he's not totally chic. I dare you.

This model even has her facial expression anatomically correct for sub zero fashion.

We find the most talented models here at FBC.

At FBC, we strive to expose as little skin as possible.

Eat your hearts out, men. Look out, Victoria Secret Runway Show.

We call this look Holly Hobby is all Warm and Toasty chic.

You'll get dates faster than snow melts in this fantastic ensemble.

And for those fancy nights out on the town, we bring you our full length, full print, full core body temperature protector dealio. Chic, I tell you.

And in a moment of transparency, we share with you two outfits that we created that didn't quite make the cut for our new winter line...

Sure, she looks adorable, but what we know that many do not is that when it's -2, you CANNOT physically carry a cup of coffee when you cannot feel your fingers. It just won't happen. Nor can you wear your jacket so effortlessly unzipped. Her belly button ring just froze to her stomach. Promise.