Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Boredomette

Is anyone else out there in blogland watching the world's most boring Bachelorette?? Am I alone in my feelings that this season could be nature's very own Ambien? My goodness, this season makes me want to watch anything but ABC on Monday night from 7-9pm, which is just absurd if you know me and my love for this franchise.

I don't know if it's Desiree that bores me to tears or if it's the guys on her season, or if it's a lethal combination of both, but enough already. These people are so very sweet, talented, beautiful and lame-o. Seriously, every fun dude has been booted and we're left with poets and cheese-knockers who spend way more time running their fingers through their hair than an all girl, 8th grade classroom(exhibit A- see above photo of said fingers through hair. Boom.). Bachelor Pad please!

The last straw for me for was last night's "most dramatic and shocking and life altering" yawn fest ever. Chris Harrison, for the love of all things holy, how on earth did you all manage to have even an earth shattering break-up make me want to go watch paint dry??? What? Is? Going? On? Here?!

Can we please wrap this season up with a bow and move the heck on? I don't even want to watch the 2nd part of the finale, because guess what? I've already Googled the spoilers and they're equally boring. I didn't want to waste another second watching Des cry into the water nor did I care to see Brooks pacing back and forth contemplating the hardest thing he's ever gone through. Really, bro? If it was that hard, why do it? You either love her or you don't. Move along little doggie. Juan Pablo is waiting in a dingy just off the coast, so fish or cut bait.

And for Chris Harrison, whom I love and respect (although I'm beginning to question his judgment with this season's picks), if you're going to keep declaring that an episode is going to be the "most shocking ever", there better be some excitement, sir. You know what would be considered "the most shocking ever"? A shark jumping out of the crystal, clear water, nearly missing Des' leg while she cries over meek and mild Brooks. Now THAT is shocking. And granted, I'd only want the shark to scare the junk out of Des versus inflicting bodily harm. She may be boring, but that doesn't constitute a shark bite. Maybe just a little scare and a nudge of a fin. What??

ABC, I love you. Season after season, I've either loved your Bach pick or sworn off the season if I didn't, only to be drawn back in. However, I kid you not, if anyone but Juan Pablo or maybe even Zak comes back as the Bachelor, I'm out. Peace. Word to your mom. There's bound to be episode of Ninja Warriors on somewhere from 7-9pm anyway.


Linda said...

I found my way to your blog from Sheaffer's. You, too, have a hilarious take on "The Boredomette!" (I love that name.) I can't imagine how they can stretch the breaking of two guys' hearts out to two hours next week. We may just think we've seen boring.

Brittany F. said...

Well, I'm so glad that you dropped by, Linda! We'll have to chat after next Monday's life altering event. Let's just hope Des ends up as happy as she deserves, and we can all move full steam ahead to the next season! Bring on, Juan Pablo:)