Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Spring is Dead. Winter Killed It.

For the last few months, I've been like a school kid all over again. I've stared out my office window and marveled at the beautiful snow flakes when they'd start to fall. I'd text my husband "have you looked outside yet???!!" You would've thought that I'd grown up in the south and had never lived in a winter wonderland before. The hope of snow days was an excitement that I hadn't felt in a LONG time and it was thrilling.

When my friend was here visiting I shared with her that I wasn't ready for the snow to melt. I almost felt a little twinge of sadness when the height of the snow banks would sink gradually. I wanted more. Bring on another blizzard!

Well apparently I was smoking crack because I am O.V.E.R this white stuff. I'm not really sure what flipped a switch in me last week, but the sight of cold, windy flakes make me want to vomit hot chocolate all over everyone. This chick needs some green grass PRONTO or someone might get hurt. I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it!

Seriously, I feel like I'm one flake away from Tim coming home and finding me frantically and hysterically shoveling our massive driveway through tears, while chugging straight vodka and screaming "It's is NOT the most wonderful time of the year!! It's NOT the most wonderful time of year!!" One flake away, I tell you. Tim, consider yourself warned. Hide the vodka if we own any.

And to make matters worse, yesterday during a little Pinterest time, I saw that a friend had posted a link to "10 Natural Alternatives to the Most Prescribed Medications". Awesome, I thought, so I clicked my way through to the article. Seeing a natural way to cure anxiety and depression among the list, I thought "yes, perfect for my seasonal blues while I freeze to death awaiting spring". I kid you not, Pinterest told me to simply "eat more fish and write about my feelings". Wow. I hope no one who truly is suffering from severe depression reads that load of hippie crap. Fish? I'm freezing to death and spring is truly dead and never coming back and you want me to EAT MORE FISH and WRITE ABOUT IT???!!! I think Pinterest and the author of that article over at Women's Health need to eat a boat load of fish themsleves because they are crazy with a capital loony tunes. Xanax=salmon for dinner? Rrriiiiigggghhhhtttttttttt.

So if anyone needs me before, oh I don't know, August maybe, you can find me buried under a snow bank, drinking heavily and eating my body weight in fish.

Grass and flowers and warm breezes, you're dead to me. And I miss you. Please come back. Please. Pretty please with fish sticks on top?

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