What I can tell you that I believe, without a doubt, is that there are many a good life lessons to be learned within the 2 hour whirlwind of drama, dates, and quite frankly, some very attractive hot messes.
Life lesson #1- Please remember that people are watching. At all times. Including your mother.
After over a decade of watching this franchise, I'm still amazed at the things people say and do during their 15 minutes of fame. Would you ever pull a silk necktie out of your formal gown within the first 2 minutes of a real date? If you answered yes to that question, I can in return answer your question as to why you're still single. Because you're riding the crazy train and 95% of America is afraid of you. Period. WE'RE ALL meeting you through this show, and although we don't mean to, we're also judging your words and actions throughout the process. Show us and your future man a little class. Trust me, it'll go a loooonnggg way. Your mother will thank you as well, along with your possible future mother in law who will have to justify your actions at future family gatherings.
Life lesson #2- Know your audience.
If anyone watched Sean last season or if they've seen anything about him in the media leading up to this season, you'd know he's a family man who loves the Lord (Amen, Sean!). If you don't know those two fundamental things about the man that you claim to love from the get go, well then you may want to spend some more time doing your research instead of planning your LA wardrobe and hitting the gym. Wiping out all of your "50 Shades" knowledge is probably going to lead Sean to pray for you more so than leading you to that coveted rose. Do your research; know your audience. And stop creeping the rest of us out! If I had a dollar for everytime I said "who does that?" outloud while watching this show, I'd probably be able to fly to Fiji with the Chris Harrison.
Life lesson #3- Drunk looks good on no one. Ever.
I like my wine like anyone else, however a little water goes a long way. If this is the moment you've been waiting and praying for, auditioning and planning for, maybe step away from the free booze for one night. ITS JUST ONE NIGHT. If you can drink responsibly, then go ahead and get you one of those delicious mojitos to loosen up a bit, but I assure you that no one, Sean included, has anxiously awaited finding true love in the girl who is the reigning champion of "flip cup" or "beer pong" at every party they attend. This is your big break, please hydrate for the love of all things. Say it with me "water then wine, water then wine, water, a little more water, and then a glass of wine".
Life lesson #4- Less really is more.
This lesson is really the most wide reaching of them all. Less can be so much more when it comes to: tanning (both via bed and via spray), showing skin, talking about yourself, talking about other people, booty dancing when no one else is dancing and without actual musical accompaniment, hair extensions, and make-up. More is more and I don't have to be a rocket scientist to recognize that truth. Especially with a large screen HD viewing. Yikes.
Life lesson #5- When meeting someone for the first time, be yourself. Gimmicks come off as just that, gimmicky.
Don't sing and dance to get someone's attention or approval. Just be you and if they don't like you for being you, they certainly don't want to hear you sing. We're all beautiful in our own way and we all have something to offer this world. Don't hide behind cheesiness, let your light shine au natural! Can you imagine if everyone constantly had to walk around like tap-dancing clowns to prove their worth and creativity through song and dance and acrobatics all day long? I'd never leave the house. It'd be exhausting, irritating and awkward. Much like the opening limo encounters of this show. I kid you not, I literally hide behind a pillow a few times every season because I want the scene to end. Pronto.
Life lesson #6- Too many women in one place is too many.
During seasons of the Bachelorette, I LOVE watching the house scenes when it's just a bunch of dudes chilling. The guys are funny, active, and often times simply jovial. That same house full of women ALWAYS sends someone to the hospital. We're an amazing gender with so much beauty, strenght, wisdon, and HORMONES. Too many of us in one space is never good. Someone is going to lose an eye and their dignity in one swoop.
ABC and The Bachelor, thank you for your creative masterpiece, along with a few life
lessons over the years. You certainly are the most dramatic show ever.
And for that I'd give you a rose every day of the week!