Monday, November 9, 2015
Those two words are so simple, yet so profound. Those two words are life changing, life saving, and life giving. Without those two words, my life would probably look much, MUCH different than it does now. Those two words are my daily compass, my gut check, my end all, be all and my promise that no matter what happens today, tomorrow or decades down the line, I am spoken for, I am loved, I am held and I am His.
Heavy. Heavy is the one word that I would use to describe how I feel lately. My heart is heavy. My mind is heavy. My chest just feels...heavy.
Over the past six months, I've watched someone I love tremendously battle a serious illness and there was such a feeling of helplessness. I've watched a dear friend struggle through the even more serious illness of her precious child, all while trying to sort through and navigate through a very real and altered "normal". I've given my all through my work and found myself tossing through sleepless nights wondering if it'd be enough. If I was enough. And most recently, I've found myself sitting next to hundreds of coworkers, waiting to see if our positions will survive the budget crisis facing Illinois. Some of us will not have jobs at the end of this month, regardless of how much our employers wish they could keep us. Heavy. That one word is ever present for me and so many others right now.
As I stood in church yesterday, a wave of emotions flooded over me. It was heavy, but it was also LIGHT. For the first time in weeks, I felt as though I couldn't breathe, not because of the heaviness, but because of the lightness. Everything that I had been carrying was caught in my chest, and for the first time in awhile, there was hope and there was promise. There were two small yet HUGE words that delivered so much. I believe.
In those moments as we sang out to God, I was reminded how much I take for granted my belief and what that truly means. I DO believe in God our Father. I DO believe in Christ the Son. I DO believe in the Holy Spirit, Our God is three in one. I DO believe in the resurrection, that we will rise again, for I believe in the name of Jesus.
It is because of these beliefs, that although I may feel heavy, I do not need to allow that to consume me for I'm not alone in these matters. The God, the Father who I believe in is with me and always has been. I am held. I am loved. I was fought for for an insurmountable price. In Him, there is a rise after every fall. There is redemption following our failures. There are great wins following our loses, and there is always, always hope. I just need to remember to believe. And not just to believe inwardly, but to declare it. To sing it. To stand shoulder to shoulder with others who believe with me. And to repeat it. And repeat it again.
I hope to remind myself every single day, no matter what lies ahead, that there is freedom and LIGHTNESS and hope in the declaration of my beliefs and in the name of Jesus. No other two words carry as much weight, do they? They are the perfect type of heavy.