Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Without the World Caving In

Every once in a while, someone writes a song that makes you stop dead in your tracks. They make you feel as though they wrote it just for you. Like they had a telescopic shot straight into this crazy, swirly, mostly out of control and out of proportion, head of mine. Well, Jason Mraz, did just that. And then some.

Before I was married, I'd ask my closest friends how their new marriages were going. They'd usually respond with "good", "great", and "fun". But on the days where they were feeling a bit more transparent, they'd say "good, but hard" or "good, but it's more challenging than you think it's going to be".  I, honestly, respected and believed those answers more than those that said "it's perfect!" I mean, I may not have been married, but I had dated for half of my life at that point and I knew full and well, that any relationship can be great, but also more challenging than you'd think at times.

And thus began our first year of marriage in the good, great, and more challenging than I had expected realm. Things that you think will be a sticking point, suddenly aren't, and other areas that you conveniently glossed over in pre-marital counseling because "surely, that won't be an issue for us" suddenly are. And what you're left with is "um, well, this is hard." Once the toughest decisions transition from what colors your napkins will be at the wedding and which frozen drink you'll try at the swim-up bar at your honeymoon resort, to actual real, adult decisions like life insurance policies and what's more important as a couple when searching for a new home- the home or the land that the home sits on, you realize that you are just one person in a team of two. And that no big decision will ever be just your decision again. You may have to go against your heart and your gut and blindly trust this person who wears the 2nd half of your wedding band. It's good and great and scary and challenging.

And just like so many other newlyweds, the Hubs and I hit peaks and valleys together. Head on. Sometimes head first. And you don't want to always talk about every issue that arises because you don't want people to focus on the challenges when there are many, many great things happening too.

So, what's a newlywed to do to get some clarity and center? Listen to Jason Mraz, apparently. On repeat. And so I did. Sometimes there were quiet tears, and sometimes there were more than tears. And one day, when you're trapped in your car after a heated discussion and you're beside yourself because you both know that you're not intending to hurt the other person, but somehow you still are, you just stop and let the words be your comfort, healing and teacher. And for me, no truer words were spoken in that first year than:

"Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake"

"We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am"

"We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it"

Let's face it, this marriage deal is good, great, fun and hard, but there's no one Id rather face each of those arenas with than the one I chose and the one who chose me. And I HAVE had to learn who I am, what I've got and more importantly, what I'm not.  And I HAVE had to learn how to bend without our world caving in. And finally, when it's all said and done, whether on a great day or challenging one, God does know we're worth it. And so do I. And with every day that passes, we're learning and growing and adding to that worth, and we've become better and stronger versions of who we are and what we're not, and for that I'm grateful.

So humor me today and go on and give it a listen. Turn it way up and let his humbly, transparent words wash right on over you. He's a pretty wise one, that Mr. Mraz.


TracyE said...

i love that song. it is what you all are walking down the aisle to:)

Brittany F. said...

Oh man, T, really??? I'm going to be a mess! Just forget about it once you walk down the aisle. I'll be a puddle. Love it!

D'Anna said...

Had to give it a listen And then just HAD to make a purchase on ITunes! thanks! GREAT song.....and I can truthfully say that after the ups and downs of 43 years of marriage, not giving up is sooooooo worth it!!!