Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Ugly Side of Estate Sales

Today I saw an estate sale rear its ugly face. And I mean, U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly!

Wowzas. That's really all I can say, although for blogging purposes, you know I'm gonna say more. I'm just sad that this blog isn't scratch and sniff because I can still smell the funk of what I saw on my clothes and hair.

Okay, let me make this clear...I love junk. If something is old, chippy, rusty, has a great patina, a little dust, etc...I get butterflies. I'm like a hunter stalking its prey, if you will. And I definitely don't judge people for hanging on to very random, old things, because without them, I wouldn't have anything to hunt. However, what I saw today was just plain sad.

Being a "regular" on the local estate sale circuit, I've heard the grumblings of a "hoarder" sale on the horizon and I've been sort of intrigued (and seriously I am a full-fledge regular apparently. Not only do the sales staff now know who I am and what I buy, but so do some of the other regulars who point out items for me now. I guess I'm easy to remember since I'm about the only one who's under 60 and hitting up the sales every single Friday).

Apparently this home was owned by two successful doctors in town, and I can tell you that they were not into "storing up treasures in Heaven" but instead clearly buying everything they laid eyes on and loved, and then bought multiples of said items. Multiples times 10.

The first thing that hit me was the smell. Although this is going to sound awful, and I mean it in the sweetest way possible, at first I thought that maybe someone in the room with me had on a stale adult diaper. Hey, it happens, I'm not judging! But as I moved to the next room, the smell was stronger and coming from every corner. My heart actually hurt for whoever had lived like that for YEARS. That was years and years of piles, junk and rancid funk. Ick.

I could make this post a mile long, but I'll leave you with a few quick tidbits of knowledge:
  • Hoarding clearly doesn't happen overnight. Tim, keep an eye on me. If I start stock piling the same sets of pajamas in every color, cut up my AMEX.
  • When you see people gag on the Hoarders show, that is 100% real. There is a smell and it is bad. And somehow people live like that. Surely, they start to smell too, right?
  • If you have 40 suitcases piled in your shower, it's time for an intervention.
  • There is no way that sweet, old doctor was able to access 50% of his house, including his kitchen, for years and that makes me sad.
  • I'm pretty sure there was a dead cat in there somewhere. Not kidding.
  • You do not need 18 bottles of Italian dressing. I don't care how great the deal was!#putdownthecoupon
  • Walking through a hoarder house brings total strangers together. I think for a second you fear that the whole place will cave in, so you tend to stay in groups. There's also a LOT of eye rolling that takes place.
  • I need a shower now. 
  • Why did they not stock pile something useful like hand sanitizer?!
If you need me, I'll be at home throwing away everything I own.

I kid you not, one woman had a few items in her hands, then turned to me and said with a twinge of horror in her voice "I need to go home and clean my house." Everything she had been holding was put down on a table and she bolted. I was about two steps behind her.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

1 comment:

hmgarver421 said...

I am guessing you didn't buy anything? No salad dressing for you?