Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Life Lessons from The Bachelor II

It's no secret that a few contestants on my not so guilty pleasure, The Bachelor, tend to lean a little towards lunatic every season, but I do believe that season 17 is bringing some real heat when it comes to the crazy meter.

This week I have only one, very important life lesson from my beloved Bachelor episode in St. Croix and it is that Tierra must die, I mean, get her sparkle beaten out of her,  I mean, go into hiding for about 6 months until every woman over 32 cools off. No joke, girlie. Run.

This week, we watched Tierra's eyebrow fend for itself with a pretty rude and ignorant slam against anyone who is single in their early 30's. Spoken like a true 24 year old. I get it, I really do...ssomewhat.

I, too, thought at the ripe old and very wise age of 24 that I'd be married very shortly, have my first child at 26 and the second and last at 28. Ha! Give me a second while I finish belly laughing which will most likely turn into a silent, ugly cry into my Merlot.

In all seriousness, I literally shuddered when her words "When I’m 32, I want to be married with kids and have my life set. Why hasn’t she found somebody who she can settle down with?? I’m like, you’re 32 years old??” Oh, sweet, crazy, sparkly Tierra. Do you really think it's that easy? Do you really think the universe looks at every woman and says "Oh, you're 26?? Poof. Here's the love of your life. And don't worry, he will never dull your sparkle." No. It surely does not. Not even close.

I truly think ABC might need to consider a relocation program for Tierra stat until all of her so called "cougars" take a few, short deep breathes. And eyebrow reconstruction might not be a bad idea either, because let's face it, we'd all know that brow anywhere. Even if it's hiding out in the hills of Appalachia for protection.

So, Tierra, my life lesson for you is this: If it were that easy to find the right person to "settle down" with, this world would be a much different place. It'd look like Valentine's Day every day, birds would be chirping Journey ballads all Disney-like while tying pretty bows on every relationship, and every 32 year old would have 2.5 children, a dog, and a swagger wagon. BUT, because most of us live in the real world where emotions can't be worn on your face like a terrifying eyebrow at all hours of the day, it does take some people a little longer to find the one whom their soul loves. And there's nothing wrong with that. I like to think I still have my "sparkle" and I got married at 33. Gasp.

I'm sorry you had to be sent home in a mini-van from the gorgeous island of St. Croix, but I do hope that you took the time in said van to consider what could have possibly gone wrong. Treating everyone with respect, and not just respecting men, might do wonders for you. I think you'll soon learn that guys are going to come and go in your 20's, but the true loves of your life and the ones that you "settle down" with during some of the harder times are your girlfriends. Value your female relationships; they are the ones that help get you through your 20's. Trust me.

In closing, I'd love to see a follow-up show on you at 32. I'd love to see where you are and I hope for your sake that you're happily married. I do not hope however that your brow will reappear on the next season of the Bachelor Pad. Yet again, I shudder at the thought.


Mandi said...

This post. If I could make out with a blog post, this would be the one I chose. I laughed and nodded my head in agreement many times! Love it!

hmgarver421 said...

I haven't watched the train wreck this season (and it appears I've missed out) but seriously. Yes.