Tuesday, January 22, 2013

How You Know You No Longer Live at the Beach

Although many things have changed for me since leaving God's country, aka Charleston, SC, I do have to giggle at a few of my daily reminders that I have drastically gone from beach bum to snow bunny. Brrrrrrrr.

  1. I've traded in all my cute coats for a big, black puffer coat. No exceptions. Even on NYE when I'm dressed up. Michelin man is the new black.
  2. The inside of my nose freezes within seconds of stepping outside. Nose-hair-sickles are nasty, but sadly, just another part of life in glorious IL.
  3. I'm tempted to wear socks in my heels. No joke. If this occurs, it may be time for a beach intervention. As in, get me to the nearest ocean pronto burger. Or, I desperatly need the 80's to make a comeback so I can rock my warm slouch socks inside of my black pumps. Come on, Carrie Diaries!
  4. I want to punch in the throat (gracefully, of course) anyone on FB who posts photos of their car thermometers that read above 32 degrees. 32 degrees is when crap freezes. True story, look it up. Therefore, you are NOT freezing at 41 degrees. Chilly seems more appropriate and less offensive to those of us soaking in the 2 degree sunshine. 
  5. I have to watch my every step thanks to black ice. What is black ice, my southern friends may ask? Ice that you cannot see until your booty or your eye is black from eating it. I look like a baby deer trying to stagger make my way to the office.
  6. I must sleep with a humidifier about 2 feet from my face every night to avoid the following beauty disasters: cracked and bleeding hands, bloody noses, cracked lips...are you sensing a cracking pattern here?
  7. Heat waves occurs anytime we get above 40 degrees. I kid you not. The other day it was 41 degrees and I caught myself thinking "do I really need a coat?" Yes, I need a stinkin coat! However, I did open the sunroof while wearing said coat and it was glorious. Fresh air and only a slight chill in the air. For a second, I swear it felt like summer was right around the corner (I'm 110% lying here). Summer is dead and never coming back.
Alright everyone, don't all move here at once! I know it's super tempting, but pace yourselves. Stampeding across black ice will not end well. Trust me.

No comments: