Friday, February 10, 2012

Something Blue

Recently I mentioned to my mom and Grandma that I'd love for my "something blue" to be related to my Grandpa Howard who passed away fairly unexpectedly almost a year ago. With my great fortune and blessing, Grandpa Howard was the first of my grandparents to leave us, so his passing was a new sense of loss for myself and my family that we had not yet had to experience.

My vision was to have fabric from one of my Grandpa's shirts sewn into the inside of my dress so that he'd be right there with us during the ceremony and then dancing the night away in celebration. That man loved to dance! At my cousin's wedding, just a short 6 months before he passed, we had the pleasure of seeing his moves and let me tell you, the man was on fire! He danced ALL NIGHT LONG. I've never seen his smile so bright and carefree in all of my 33 years, so I knew at my wedding, I'd want him to be on that dance floor in spirit!

Last night, out of the blue, I came home from a long day at work to find a small but thick envelope from my mom. Not knowing what it could possibly be, I opened the small card to a note that said "Your something blue" and inside was a piece of Grandpa's blue shirt cut into the shape of a heart ready for my big day. My heart sank and melted all at the same time.

For the next 20 minutes I sat on the kitchen floor and cried into that blue heart. I cried for his loss and ours. I cried for my Grandma who gave up the shirt of her best friend so that it could be his presence on the day their granddaughter would get married. I cried over the memories of our last few days with him and how blessed I feel for being there for those precious days and nights. I cried that I never got to tell him that I was going to get to marry my best friend after 15 years, and I cried that he won't be there to see it in body. And lastly I cried happy tears that his body is at rest and he doesn't have to struggle with any illness or anxiety anymore.

And when it was time to stop crying, I smiled knowing that we're going to have a really big dance party in a few months and he'll be right there with us in his element, smiling ear to ear in our hearts.

I never knew my "something blue" could mean so much.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me cry into my coffee on a Thursday morning. Your "writing is so sweet". I know Grandpa will be there in spirit.
Love ya, MOM

hmgarver421 said...

I'm clearly really late reading this. But GEESH. Tears. I have no doubt he was smiling down on you during your perfect special day <3