Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Confessions of the Bathroom Monitor (Revisited)

Although I still have a few more Nicaraguan moments to share, I thought I'd take a break from that today in honor of the recent, resurfacing issues that my office seems to have with people's bathroom etiquette. The blog below is an oldie from my first blog ( which I though I would bring out and dust off for the day. Nicaragua shall return...

Don't get me wrong, I love my new office. It's spacious, has beautiful furniture, and is way more than I deserve, but the location leaves a little something to be desired! My office sits directly in front of the women's bathroom and for whatever reason everyone who enters the restroom feels the need to comment on their experience. I used to look up from my keyboard every time someone went in but now I avoid looking up like the plague, hoping no one will see me sitting there and want to talk about their experience.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't need to know how every person's experience with the hand soap was. I swear I've heard every comment from "I hate that the soap doesn't lather. It really bothers me" to "yummy, do you think the bathroom soap smells like mint chocolate chip ice cream?" NOOOOOOO! First of all, I agree that the soap doesn't lather however if that is your biggest concern all day than please trade lives with me! And second, EWWW, why would I want to smell the non-lathering soap and dream of it being ice cream! On another note, although I agree it is rude, I refuse to keep a log of who went in there before you and if I heard the toilet flush. You probably think I am kidding but I have been asked to do that and I am just not down with being the "bathroom monitor" for a bunch of professionals who should know by now to flush.

I will say one of the perks of sitting here is watching every one's reaction when they are on a mission to the restroom and suddenly discover someone beat them to it. I think I could create a whole personality theory based on these reactions alone. Just to highlight a few:

1. The Snapper: The snapper seems to be more relaxed than most and has a carefree outlook on life. They give a hearty "oh shucks" snap when they need to go but cannot get in.
2. The "Oh-Man!": The "Oh-Man" tends to be more vocal and often feels the need to be the center of attention. They don't mind voicing their discontent to the whole office when nature calls and they cannot answer.
3. The "what...I didn't try to go in there?": These people are a little more self-conscious than the rest and try to keep a low profile. They don't like attention and would rather no one notice that they just tried to go in but couldn't. I think they view it as a form of rejection. These people give the door a slight push and when it doesn't open, they are swiftly on their way to the copy machine or water cooler in one single swoop, acting as if they never attempted to open the door in the first place. Don't worry guys and gals, no one is judging you on the fact that you needed to go, although if it were up to some people I'd have my ear pressed to the door to ensure you went and flushed and would then plug the stats into an excel spreadsheet! No pressure guys!
4. The Slammers: I think the slammers are my favorite! They seem to be the go-getter's in life, always on the move, and take life by the horns. These eager beavers are on such a mission that they proceed to slam into the door before realizing it's locked. This painful encounter usually follows with a grab of the shoulder that they just almost dislocated and a booming laugh. You'd think after one or two painful bathroom trips they'd slow down and ease into the entry but they are clueless. Gotta love their enthusiasm!

I know I've rambled on, but before I close may I leave everyone with a few words of wisdom from the bathroom monitor: Please enter carefully, if it's locked, don't get down on yourself, pick your ego back up off the floor and give it one more valiant try in roughly two minutes. Please remember to wash your hands before you leave. If the soap smells like food, don't eat it. If it doesn't lather, still use it. And for every one's peace of mind, FLUSH! Above all, have fun in there! If I'm going to have to hear about your experience I want to make sure it was a good one!

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