Tim, you're welcome for my lack of remaining words from now until Oct. 31st.
I keep finding myself stuck in this place between I just poured out the darkest part of my soul and I should post something about Nash's Halloween costume. Hmmm, somehow that gap seems like the Grand Canyon of creative outlets and I'm not sure how to make that leap. But seriously, where does one go from something so raw and honest?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be up to posting about Nash's costume or our upcoming Ironman Triathlon adventure to Florida in November, but today, I'll leave with you this
Over the last few weeks, ALL I have wanted to listen to on the radio is K-Love. I'm thirsty for worship music and it's truly all my mind can handle right now. The majority of the day they play exactly what my heart needs to hear. I find myself lost in the music which is a welcomed escape from my own thoughts most of the time. That is until the first few notes of the song below is played. And then, I just can't. I can't listen, but I can't turn it off either. I can't listen and be okay. And I can't listen without ugly tears.
You have been a life line for me over the last month (and a few weeks before), and for that I am eternally grateful for bringing worship to me wherever and whenever I need it. But, for the Love of literally all things holy, please stop playing "Thy Will" 147 times a day. I get it, it's a beautiful song, and the reason Hillary wrote it is heartbreakingly beautiful, but MY heart cannot take it. For those of us in these trenches of the meaning behind that song, I, and maybe we, cannot do it that many times a day. My heart can't go there and still walk into a meeting or grocery store or order lunch in a drive-thru without looking like I'm on the verge of a psychotic break or like I have been hit by an emotional Mack truck. There just aren't enough tears and mascara to carry me through the amount of times you play this tune on a daily basis.
Can we make a compromise? How about you play it 3 times a day? Maybe cue one of them for 5:15pm when most of us mommas are driving home and clinging to the promise of our ponytails and sweatpants anyway. Then, sweet K-Love, you can play it 5 times in a row if your heart desires, because at that point my brave face is getting weary and transparent anyway. But playing it 147 times, ALL DAY LONG, makes me want to punch you in the face and I'm pretty sure our Lord frowns on me wanting to punch a Christian radio station in the face. Even amongst my heart ache. There is no excuse and I'm sorry for that thought.
Do we have a deal, pretty please? I love you, I love "Thy Will" and Hillary Scott for capturing our heartbreak so perfectly, but I can't. I just can't. The minute she opens with "I'm so confused, I thought I heard you loud and clear", I'm DONE. Useless. Incapacitated. And sadly, I have things I need to do that require me to not be in the fetal position in my car all the livelong day.
Thank you for listening, K-Love.
Many Blessings and much love.
And if somehow you've escaped this beautiful, gut-wrenching song, here you go....or just turn on K-Love and wait about 2.7 minutes for it to play.