Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Facebook Soapbox

After moving 1,000 miles away from a place that had been home for 16 years, Facebook has become my lifeline to so many people, places and events that had grown very near and dear to my heart. It's my way to watch my friends' babies grow up, my way to still see what my favorite military college is up to, a way to live vicariously through posts on my favorite restaurants, beaches, etc... It's a portal to "home" if you will, and therefore I tend to spend more time on Facebook than I had in the past.

With that being said, I've begun to collect a few FB peeves that I feel compelled to share today, if for no other reason than I can't think of anything else to write about. I'm a creative wizard, aren't I? There's such method to the creative madness up in here. Or, not.  Any who...

Peeve #1: It irks me to no end when people complain about what someone else posts on this social network. I've heard so many people complain about "so and so only posts motivational quotes" or "so and so only posts stupid updates about their kids" and the list goes on. My thought to that is "so?" The last time I checked, our profiles were just that...OURS. Post whatever nonsense you feel like posting. It's your page! Want to motivate me with your quotes? Go on with your bad self! Want to tell me that your kid ate 3 hot dogs and then threw them up in the backseat? Done and done. As long as you're not airing your family's dirty laundry or hurting someone with your words, post away pal.
  • Solution: Don't want to see what someone posts? Just un-follow their updates. Easy-peasy. You can still stay friends with them online and in the real world, but this way no one has to be annoyed anymore. Who are we to say what is "post worthy" on someone else's profile. It's THEIR profile. That's how things are designed to work or we'd all have one joint profile platform where I could tell you that you're dumb for posting your daggum Candy Crush scores every dang day.
Peeve #2: Hunting season pictures. Good Lord people, please use a disclaimer before you upload a bloody, dead animal photo. These get me every single time. There I am, scrolling through my newsfeed and -BAM- there's poor Bambi in the back of someone's F150. It ain't right people. I think Facebook should create some sort of rule where photos must only contain alive and well type things, ya know? How long is hunting season again?
  • Solution: Please post an update that says "Hey wussy friends, the next post will contain a buttload of dead, lifeless ducks spread out on a bench with me grinning proudly behind it in camo. Look away or scroll super fast if needed." I just can't start my day with the members of Noah's Ark laid out as trophies. I'd un-follow you, as per my above listed solution, but you're often very sneaky in that you rarely post anything so I have no reason to un-follow until -BAM- November hits and your death posts abound.
Peeve #3: The selfie queen. I'm pretty confident in labeling this peeve in a female fashion as I don't know too many dudes who constantly post selfies. I know, I know, I may sound hypocritical here as you should be entitled to post whatever your heart desires on your page, but this one sort of defies the laws of un-following for me. For a lot of the selfie queens, I actually like what you post on a regular basis and I enjoy seeing your daily lives via this network. I simply wish that you took less photos of yourself at an extremely close range. It's nothing personal really, I'm just of the belief that photos should include more than just the photographer. Isn't it more fun to ask your friends or kids to be in the photo?
  • Solution: Maybe just ask others to join in your camera fun every once in awhile. Like your outfit or having a phenomenal hair day? You go, girl! Now ask someone to snap a picture of you and friend with your bomb.com hair. Everyone wins really. You get to immortalize your perfect hair day and we don't have to see your face larger than life on our screens or in a bathroom mirror reflection. Bathroom mirror photos on the world wide web=all kinds of wrong. Just no.
Alright Internet friends, dish on your peeves. I know you've got them. Chances are if we're friends on FB I've probably annoyed you a time or two. After all, I am entering new territory and run the risk of over-posting when it comes to our munchie. The good news is you can always hide me as outlined above. You may miss my life altering posts about discovering Cookie Butter or 1,000 photos of my son sleeping, but that's your prerogative. We can still be friends, I promise.

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