Good "awe" versus bad "awe"

Today, yet again, I've found myself awestruck. Not the awestruck you feel when someone tells you they're expecting their first child or when you witness a breathe-taking sunset. No, it's more the awe you feel when someone does something so unbelievably horrible and unjust that you are left without words. Awe that when continuously bombarded with it, makes you sick to your stomach.

I knew I was going into my 2009 fasting season with some prayer requests, but the growing "awe" that surrounds me only reiterates my need for guidance, direction, and peace.

Here's to hoping tomorrow is Awesome. Not Awe-ful.

21 Days of fasting...Here We Go!

The fast will begin (for me) tonight at sundown. Our church has begun a voluntary fast for 21 days, along with 250 other churches across the country, and although I know that this will be a huge undertaking for me, I want to be on board as much as possible!

Fasting is something I’ve done in the past, especially as a Catholic during Lent, but I’ve never fasted more than one thing at a time. I’ve done chocolate, TV and movies, caffeine, etc...and as a child I’d always try to give up peas or homework, until my mom explained to me that giving up something you already despise doesn’t count as a “sacrifice”.

Before embarking on this 21 day journey through hunger pains and caffeine withdrawal, it’s important for me to determine what it is I am actually fasting for. Along with my church, I will fast for 3 reasons:

1. Direction for Seacoast in 2009. Where are we headed and what do we feel the Lord is calling us towards as we kick off a new year.
2. That Seacoast will be able to sell the plot of land along 526 that’s been sitting, unused for a couple of years.
3. For our Country! I will fast and pray for wisdom for our leaders, safety for our men and women fighting for our freedom, peace both on our soil and foreign soil, and for our economy and those who have lost jobs, homes, and hope in 08/09.

For myself, I will fast for my own reasons that I will keep more personal, but they will encompass personal direction, purpose, and the well-being of my family.

Although most people will try and stick strictly to The Daniel Fast (please Google for details), I am going to follow Daniel as closely as I personally can without jeopardizing my health as I see fit.

Over the next 21 days, I will abide from the following diet guidelines (with the exception of Sundays, which are considered days of rest, even from fasting):
• All fruits, vegetables, and legumes are acceptable (and natural peanut butter)
• Fish is acceptable (for me, at least, due to already existing Anemia)
• Whole grain pasta, rice, and bread (I found one site that allows whole wheat bread)
• Water and milk only (I added milk for dietary reasons)
• No sugars (artificial included), No sweets, No fried foods, No cheese(Lord,help me!), No salad dressings with the exception of oil and vinegar
• No CAFFEINE!! (please see small prayer one line above)
• Zero snack foods that do not fall into the first line (i.e. it must be a fruit, veggie or legume)


With it all down on paper, and this blog as my source of accountability, let the hunger pains begin! And when the pains begin, let me remember to say a prayer for the above listed items instead of turning to food to quench that hunger. I pray that I will closer to the Lord over the next 21 days and further from the things that I usually allow to fill me.

I’ll be praying for you all over the next 21 days!

Marley and Me and Kleenex

This past weekend I went to see Marley and Me in search of a romantic comedy and something to warm the heart. Notice that I said warm the heart, not crush the heart. What a tear jerker! As we were leaving the theater, my boyfriend suggested that I might want to go clean my face up a bit in the ladies room, if that gives you any insight into my 4 legged and fur induced agony.

All tears aside, Marley and Me is simply amazing! Although the movie is about an unruly, uncontrollably crazy dog, the story line takes you through 15 years of a married couple's life (insert the adorable Jennifer and Owen). The marriage roller coaster is en route and you find yourself up with them when they celebrate a family victory and your heart breaks for them when they hit rough patches, which all marriages do. It tells a true story about how love and commitment isn't always as the big screens show and that sticking with something you believe in can sometimes be one of the hardest decisions even though it should be simple and clear-cut.

By the end of the movie, I felt like I was part of their family and when the credits began to roll, I was still. I didn't want to leave and face everyone who had listened to me sob for the past 2 hours and yet I couldn't wait to get home and hug my little Wrigley.

Thank God for dogs! Marley and Me allowed me to love my dog even more than I already did, which I didn't think possible. It reminded me that dogs, although frustrating at times, come into our lives and bless us with their constant love and affection. Wrigley could care less if my hair is a mess, if my clothes don't match, or if I am not the wealthiest girl in Charleston. He wakes up with me every morning with a cuddle session and is the most excited thing when I arrive home, even after a 15 minute trip to the grocery store. I've never known a more faithful companion and I thank Marley and Me for capturing that feeling for it's viewers and for capturing my heart along the way.

The Stress of the 3-0

With only a couple more weeks until I enter yet another decade of my life, I cannot help but feel a bit bummed. I'm not necessarily bummed by the number itself, but more so about the party that is looming ahead.

For people that know me, they know that B-days are huge to me! For example, I cried two weeks ago when I had Strep Throat and had to miss my best friend's 30th. Not only do I like big parties, but themes are a must and costumes are often a requirement. I love to celebrate with everyone that I care about and the more the merrier(although due to my choice in living locations, I don't get to celebrate with my family all too often).

This year however seems bigger than usual. I'm turning 30 and I want to start this decade off with not only a bang but an explosion rather. I want to dance with my friends, take tons of pictures, get dressed up, and leave my 20's behind me! The only catch is that I have 0 dollars to spend, everyone has tons going on in their lives right now, and it just doesn't feel like many people are in the mood to celebrate right now.

I guess it's time to get creative. Go big or go home has always been my motto when it comes to b-days, so why should this year be any different? If no one has time to come, I'll be "dancing with myself" in my party dress.

Mission Minded Interview

Two of my good friends, Nathan and Amber Babcock, are full-time missionaries in Nicaragua and I was blessed this past fall by serving under their leadership on my first mission trip. As most of you know based on my past blog entries, my trip to Managua was life changing and one that I'll never forget. What you may not already know is that by God's perfect timing, I was placed on a trip that would be hosted by Nathan, my very first friend at Seacoast and someone (along with his amazing wife of course;) that I hold very dear.

A month or so ago Nathan asked if he could interview me for their blog and I graciously agreed as I never pass up a chance to talk about my trip, the people I met, and Nicaragua itself.

If you're interested, please feel free to check out the interview on their website at:
http://missionsminded.org/2008/11/five-or-six-questions-on-short-term-missions-with-brittany-meyers/

A special thanks to Nathan for allowing me a few minutes to re-live my trip via his interview!

10 Things I'm Thankful for in '08

10. Time at home with my family, both immediate and extended. Who else's family will play "Pit" while shouting "two for two, two for two!!!" for hours of laughter?! And I can't imagine anyone else I'd rather stuff myself to the brim with swedish pancakes than my grandparents and aunt and uncle!
9. Two Thanksgiving meals in one day with the Meyers and the Howard families. Eating until I am uncomfortably full is awesome although I did feel guilty at times since I know somewhere, someone was hungry.
8. A job. Being laid-off in january for four months was tough, but thankfully I am back where I belong at The Citadel. God works in mysterious ways!
7. My own home. I became a new homeowner in January and love having a place of my own.
6. Amazing friends! I'm constantly convinced that I have the most amazing friends that serve as my family in SC.
5. My sweet dog Wrigley aka "Piggy".
4. RHG. What other boyfriend would be willing to forgoe his own Thanksgiving with his family to play cards, go shopping on Black Friday, and gain 10 pounds with mine?
3. My Nicaraguan expierence in '08. I embarked on my first mission trip this year after a few years of waiting and am forever thankful for the trip, people, teammates, and leaders that the Lord placed me with. It is beacuase of this trip that I cannot wait to serve on a lifetime full of mission trips.
2. A home to escape home from. Although Charleston is my home now, I am so thankful for my parent's home in Rockford to escape too when I need rest for my weary spirit. I love my life, don't get me wrong, but I think we all need down time to restore and rejuvinate and my folks have always provided that for me.
1. HOPE and FAITH. 2008 was tough at times with lay-offs and financial trials, but hope has never left my side thanks to faith and my amazing God. I've had some hopeless times in my life, but in 2008 Hope always rose to the top. And for that I am THANKFUL.

A night with TWLOHA

Some of you have probably seen me sport my favorite t-shirts with the wording "To Write Love on Her Arms" and wondered what exactly that meant. Others of you know exactly what that means and how much those 6 words mean to me. Thanks to my wonderfully supportive boyfriend, this Tuesday night I was lucky enough to spend the night captivated by the girl in which To Write Love on Her Arms was created about. Listening to Renee Yohe speak was something that I will never forget and was something that I am so thankful for.

I first stumbled upon TWLOHA a year or two ago thanks to a random MTV series. No one on the series spoke about the organization, no one plugged the cause, just a simple couple wearing cool t-shirts led me to the group who in part led me to the truth which I claim today. TWLOHA is a non-profit, christian organization who's sole purpose is to educate and bring awareness to such topics of depression, anxiety, and suicide. For decades depression has plagued not only the United States, but also people around the world. Check out these statistics:

-121 million people worldwide suffer from depression. (The World Health Organization)

-18 million of these cases are happening in the United States. (The National Institute of Mental Health)

-Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression. (U.S. Surgeon General's Survey, 1999)

-Depression often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse, with 30 percent of teens with depression also developing a substance abuse problem. (NIMH)

-2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.

Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers. (NIMH)

TWLOHA has brought light to what most people push into the dark. They've given victims a voice and they've taught me that although I have struggled with depression, I am not alone and that it's nothing that I need to be ashamed of. Shame keeps depression and anxiety in the dark and we all know that what we keep in the dark and ignore, most often times grows and becomes larger. I, for one, do not want my illness to grow nor did I do anything to bring this about. It's an illness just like cancer, just like migraines, just like anything else that you go to the doctor for and seek treatment.

When I stumbled upon this group I was of the mindset that if I prayed hard enough, I could be healed. I also thought that if God really was who He says He is than He would cure me of this illness. I started praying and relying on prayer alone for my escape. I was struggling and had sought treatment however at I had felt guilty for not trying to heal on my own and relying on doctors for help. Although prayer and the Lord's help are large factors in the treatment of such illnesses, they do not need to be the only solution. God created people. Some people he created to become doctors. Those doctors have gone on to find treatments for such illnesses and TWLOHA has helped me realize that just maybe those treatments they've found in counseling, medications, etc...are God's form of rescue for us. Maybe the people He has placed in my life are also part of His rescue, as they often remind me of hope when my own head cannot seem to remember.

Not only has TWLOHA hes helped me realize that rescue is possible and that treatment exists for my own well being, they've created a community of people who share my feelings and sometimes my pain. They have given us a voice and done it in a way that glorifies God and His triumphs as we start to heal. If I am going to be called to go through the darker times throughout my life, I want to also be a voice to others when needed and hand to hold when they too feel as I have.

Although I could write for days on this topic that is so close to my heart, I will not bore anyone any longer than needed. However I do ask that you read this last piece and if you feel so inclined, please check out TWLOHA.com to read the full story about Renee, the movement, and how to help those who might need you to "understand" some day. The story is incredibly well written and just like Renee herself, is captivating.

I leave you with this excerpt from their story which beautifully states "We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a princess, Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

Great Things Are Yet to Come

With economic hardships surrounding all of us, regardless of our city, our job title, and our socio-economic status, I cannot help but turn to God for guidance, peace, and strength. With local food banks not having enough food to feed families who have lost work and with families that are fortunate enough to still have work feeling stretched due to rising prices and living costs, I go to bed nightly praying that things do no get worse.

This Wednesday I will attend the 7th Annual Charleston Leadership breakfast with 9 other members of our staff at The Citadel Foundation. I am so excited to be seated with 9 Christians from my office who are all there for the same reason...to lift our city up in prayer. Aside from our table of ten, hundreds of Charleston community members will have one focus that morning, regardless of home church, denomination, and personal prayer requests. WE will be together lifting up this City, OUR city, to the Lord who holds us in His hands and I cannot help but to believe that there are greater things yet to come, and greater things still to be done in this city.

Hotel Rwanda

Last night was the first night in a while that I could actually cuddle up on the couch after a home cooked meal and finally watch the movie I've had for over a week now. Since it's debut last year, I've been intrigued by the movie Hotel Rwanda. I have put off seeing it however due to the graphic scenes that I knew I'd see and just the overall tone that I knew it would cast upon my heart and mind. Without any further delays or procrastination, I sat down last night with a blanket, pillow, and Rob and started the movie.

Starting the movie was simple, watching the movie was not. I wish I could say that I watched the whole thing but that would be a lie. I'd guess I lasted about an hour, maybe even less. I couldn't sit on the couch comfortably wrapped in a blanket and watch people lose their lives by machete. There was one scene where the Hutu's had about 10 Tutsies gathered on the side of the road awaiting to be killed one by one right in front of each other. What made me literally nauseous was that while the Hutu's waved their guns and machetes over their head with wide grins and excited eyes, the camera focused in on one of the Tutsi men, quietly sitting with his head in his hands and you could see the complete emptiness in his soul. I could see the desperation of their situation and I could not fathom having my mother seated to my right, possibly sheltering a small child under her legs for protection, and knowing that I would die, we would die, and we were all going to have to watch it happen. No human being should ever have to witness such acts, however this is the reality of many.

I wanted to keep watching out of respect for their situation but I just couldn't do it and I am disappointed in myself. I need to watch that stuff and I need to be educated on the reality of such places and I failed. I shielded my eyes and I turned my back. One of the most powerful lines in the movie comes from an interaction with an American reporter and the main character (a native from Africa in the movie). When the war has broken out and the massacre is surrounding their hotel, the African says to reporter "thank you for filming the killings as it will allow people to see what is going on here and they'll intervene." The American reporter replies without any feeling or remorse "In all honesty, no one is going to intervene. People will see this on the news and then they'll go back to their dinners and to their lives." (Insert the sound of my stomach hitting the floor here.)

As we turned off the movie not even half way through, I looked at Rob and asked "what do we do?" I want to do something. Delivering medical supplies is no longer enough to me, but what can I do? I am a 29 year old, white female with no military experience and nothing to contribute to such genocides, but I cannot be one of those people who will see such slaughtering and turn back to my dinner and back to my life. I am heartsick over this and I cannot just turn off my "I care" button. And I can't help but wonder what if we all cared?

Worth sharing...

http://shawnsblogspot.wordpress.com/2008/10/20/i-am-not-a-mistake-i-am-a-one-issue-man/